I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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