I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
