when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
