I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
