Sacagawea was the original milf.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
