I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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