When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
