We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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