Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
