Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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