I'm eating all of the evidence.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
