Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she looked like the before picture.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
