Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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