quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
