did you get engaged???
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize