Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
