I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize