We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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