I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
