I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
sarcasm needs its own font
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Panties = found
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
