HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
