I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
