Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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