ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
