In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Enjoy the penises
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
