you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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