Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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