Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
