Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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