Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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