You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
