That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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