and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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