Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
