the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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