Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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