Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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