I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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