How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
