I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
