ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
