i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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