mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize