Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
