She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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