my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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