Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I could make wine with my vomit
is wine microwaveable?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize