I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
