Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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