Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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