yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
