i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
