Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
