I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
