He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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