Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
