im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
