you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
