just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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