I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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