I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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