she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
