i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
