Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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