Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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