You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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